BY CALEB GINDL
SPECIAL TO THE DAILY NEWS
Decision rendered at last night’s owners meeting
HAMDEN, Conn. — In a “fascinating” turn of events, Mr. McGibblets Owner and GM Matt Eisenberg was assessed a draft penalty during last night’s owners meeting by unanimous vote.
Stemming from his controversial practice of colluding with two owners during his November firesale, Bobcats4Ever owners voted to strip Eisenberg of his sixth-overall draft pick in this summer’s draft.
“I figured some of the ownership wanted to give Eisenberg a hard time and make him a little nervous during the penalty phase, but I didn’t actually think they’d vote to penalize him for tampering,” Bobcats4Ever Commissioner Kyle Brennan said.
Eisenberg will now be forced to choose “a backup kicker, Tim Tebow or an equivalent,” according to the official meeting minutes distributed to owners early Sunday afternoon and obtained by the Daily News on the condition of anonymity.
“It’s no secret that (Eisenberg) made a mockery of this league and its rules in the 2014 season,” Calle Ochocinco Owner and GM Corey Hersch said. “I believe this was a lesson not just to Matt Eisenberg, but every owner in the league, to not run afoul of the rules.”
Hersch said he initially voiced concerns that imposing a penalty on Eisenberg would constitute double jeopardy, as the league’s independent arbitrator, Jeremy Schilling, cleared the owner of any wrongdoing. Hersch disagreed with Schilling’s ruling and subsequently proposed the stripping of Eisenberg’s sixth pick.
Eisenberg could not be reached for comment prior to press time. However, he “essentially provide(d) no defense” during the debate, according to the meeting minutes. Sources said Eisenberg will appeal the decision, though neither the timeline nor the process was outlined in the minutes.
“It was fascinating to see it all come together,” Brennan said. All the owners worked together to make sure our league set a strong precedent to make sure something like this will never happen again. I was very happy with the teamwork and think the penalty fits. Now Eisenberg will understand: If you can’t do the time, then don’t do the crime.”
The inaugural owners meeting, which lasted nearly 90 minutes, was often loud and contentious, according to multiple owners. Many items were debated and ratified into the 2015 league constitution, including keeping the defensive scoring the same as the 2014 season, doubling the league dues and nominating a new owner for the BAHGAWD franchise. Brennan said he would not confirm the name of the nominee until her or she is formally contacted.
The last item of new business featured Fear Boners Pt. Deux Owner and GM Marc Schwartz announcing he was dropping the “Pt. Deux” part of his name for the 2015 season. This proclamation came on the heels of Cutthroat Kitchen owner Andrew Fletcher announcing the formation of his holding company, Food Network Football, Inc., earlier in the week.
Fletcher also wanted to make it clear that Eisenberg owes him and Second Floor Shits Owner and GM Lenny Neslin $20 each.
“You better pay up,” Fletcher said.