MIII-LES … YOU SUCK
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
MIII-LES…YOU SUCK! Improves to 3-2 with Third Straight Win Following Four-Player Trade with Deacon Blues
Four Players Acquired in Trade for MYS! Have Out-Produced Blues Quartet By More Than 100 Points in Just Three Weeks #MilesLuck
“BORTLES?!? Fucking Blake Bortles?” – Blues GM Miles McQuiggan on MYS! QB Who Outdueled Blues QB Tom Brady Sunday
“Say it with us…MIII-LES…MIII-LES…MIII-LES…YOU SUCK!” – MYS! GM Jamie Palatini to Club’s Supporters
MYS! Launches New #MilesLuck Campaign
NEW YORK — In what can best be described as the fantasy football version of grabbing a punk’s hand, hitting him in his own head with said hand, and shouting, “Why are ya hitting yourself?! Stop hitting yourself!” MIII-LES…YOU SUCK! jumped out to a massive lead on Sunday and never looked back, clinching a Week 5 victory over rival and organization namesake GM Miles McQuiggan and Deacon Blues.
MYS! defeated Deacon Blues, 125.36-91.71. In the win, MYS! QB Blake Bortles out-produced Blues QB Tom Brady 35.22-29.30, while the Blues got -1.99 points from the Jacksonville defense.
The pivotal Week 5 win pushes MIII-LES…YOU SUCK!’s record to 3-2, while Deacon Blues drops to 2-3 and fifth place in the Normal Division, including a 0-3 division record. Since 2013, the MYS! franchise is now 4-1 against the Deacon Blues franchise.
“Grammar be damned,” Bobcats4Ever Commissioner Kyle Brennan said, “ball don’t lie.”
“We had to put up with it all week, and I’m proud of how our team kept focused on the task at hand,” MYS! GM Jamie Palatini said to the media via conference call from the team’s satellite office in New York. “But to be honest, there’s nothing better than beating a team with its former players. But we also have to thank Miles – without that trade, who knows where we’d be. So, THANKS MILES…but also…say it with us…MIII-LES…MIII-LES…MIII-LES…YOU SUCK!”
The trade Palatini referred to has paid off in spades for MYS!, who is now 3-0 after the four-player swap. In the deal, MYS! acquired WRs Keenan Allen and Jeremy Maclin, TE Travis Kelce, RB Isaiah Crowell and a 2016 sixth-round pick, in exchange for WRs Brandin Cooks and Sammy Watkins, TE Kyle Rudolph, RB Eddie Lacy and a 2016 ninth-round pick.
In the three weeks following the trade, Palatini’s four acquisitions (along with RB Duke Johnson Jr., who replaced Crowell) have totaled 173.4 points, including five 15-plus point performances, compared to just 67.4 points for the Blues’ quartet, who have had just one performance of 15-plus points.
“I didn’t get the nickname ‘Trader Jame’ because of my stunning good looks, incredible wit and irresistible humor,” said Palatini. “I like to make deals…it’s a shame to see Miles’ players struggling so much. When we made the deal, we informed the new Blues quartet of the #MilesLuck to come…it’s just hard to see players you had on your team struggle so much in a new environment.”
In addition, MYS! has announced the new #MilesLuck media campaign. Fans who are having a bad day, a stroke of bad luck, or a scenario too absurd to believe are encouraged to relay their misfortune via social media using the hashtag “MilesLuck” for a chance to win great MYS! swag, including totebags and stickers.
Per Yahoo! records dating back to 2008, McQuiggan has won two of his 39 leagues in baseball, football and hockey. The self-proclaimed Swamp Yankee last won a title in the 2009 eight-team MTM’s NL-only League, where he brandished the moniker “Frankie Says Relax,” presumably in reverence to the 1983 Frankie Goes To Hollywood hit song, “Relax.”
–MIII-LES … YOU SUCK!–