Tag Archives: Small-Town Americans

Team Releases

McGibblets GM Releases Statement on Draft Penalty

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MR. McGIBBLETS
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

‘I did not violate any bylaws or rules at the time’ — Mr. McGibblets Owner Matt Eisenberg

SNOOZEBURY, Mass. — Mr. McGibblets GM Matt Eisenberg will appeal his sanction of a “Tebow-esque” selection of his sixth-overall pick in the 2015 draft for his role in the November trade(s) involving Dallas Cowboys running back DeMarco Murray. Eisenberg’s penalty for his role on the November 3rd trades is being forced to choose Tim Tebow or a backup kicker as his sixth overall pick, as voted on by other league GMs.

For several reasons, Eisenberg deems his penalty unwarranted, but thinks the steps the GMs took in their league meeting took in preventing measures like this from occurring again are a positive for the league.

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League Releases

Constitution Ratified at Inaugural Bobcats4Ever Owners Meeting

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BOBCATS4EVER LEAGUE OFFICE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

HAMDEN, Conn. — The Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League is proud to announce the ratification of its Constitution and a number of other measures as voted upon at the Inaugural Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League Owners Meeting on Jan. 10, 2015.

Ten of 11 standing owners attended the meeting, which included several hours at Side Street Grille before a Quinnipiac men’s hockey game and business at Cougartown, the home of Team Spillzzzzzz owner Mark Spillane.

Measures approved included the ratification of the league Constitution, an invitation to a 12th owner and penalties assessed to Mr. McGibblets owner Matt Eisenberg for tampering and collusion during the 2014 season.

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Media Reports

Eisenberg Assessed Draft Penalty, Will Appeal Decision

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BY CALEB GINDL
SPECIAL TO THE DAILY NEWS

Decision rendered at last night’s owners meeting

HAMDEN, Conn. — In a “fascinating” turn of events, Mr. McGibblets Owner and GM Matt Eisenberg was assessed a draft penalty during last night’s owners meeting by unanimous vote.

Stemming from his controversial practice of colluding with two owners during his November firesale, Bobcats4Ever owners voted to strip Eisenberg of his sixth-overall draft pick in this summer’s draft.

“I figured some of the ownership wanted to give Eisenberg a hard time and make him a little nervous during the penalty phase, but I didn’t actually think they’d vote to penalize him for tampering,” Bobcats4Ever Commissioner Kyle Brennan said.

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Team Releases

Forbes, SBJ Name HOW BOUT DAT? Most Valuable Franchise

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HOW BOUT DAT?!
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

HOW BOUT DAT?! Boasts League-High Revenue of $192 Through Bobcats4Ever’s First Two Seasons

HBD?! Tied With Fear Boners Part Deux For League-High 23 Wins

STAMFORD, Conn. — Dec. 23, 2014 — Forbes Magazine and Sports Business Journal have named HOW BOUT DAT?! the most valuable franchise in the Bobcats4Ever league, following an analysis of the league’s operations through two seasons.

HBD?! General Manager Jamie Palatini led his squad to two podium finishes in as many seasons, including the B4E title in 2013. This year, Palatini wheeled and dealed his way to a third-place finish, as HBD?! won eight of its final 10 regular-season games, and 10 of 12 overall, including a resounding 133.53-108.91 drubbing of Calle Ochocinco in the consolation game, in which eight of his nine starts scored at least 10 points.

In addition to his league-high $192 of revenue over two seasons, “Palatini demonstrated a forward-thinking mindset through social marketing initiatives, such as the #GetThatShit campaign, and the first press release in league history,” according to Forbes and Sports Business Journal.

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Team Releases

Small-Town Americans Win Bobcats4Ever Championship

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SMALL-TOWN AMERICANS
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

BEACON FALLS, Conn. — Fucking right.

“There are no better people in this world than small-town Americans, so I’m just thrilled that our team could live up to its name,” Small-Town Americans owner/general manager Kyle Brennan said. “What a victory. Fuck yes.”

The Small-Town Americans defeated the Fear Boners Part Deux when owner/GM Marc Schwartz conceded defeat late Monday evening with the matchup’s outcome no longer in doubt. The Small-Town American went on to win, 130.91-106.69.

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