BOBCATS4EVER LEAGUE OFFICE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Mike Morgese ’13 Replaces “Mealz on Wheelz” Owner Ted Sellers

Noted Milk-Lover Can “Get Up,” Unlike Previous Owner

League Also Approves Rule Change to First-Round Keepers; Other Rule Changes Pending

BEACON FALLS, Conn. – The Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League has announced that Mike Morgese will join the league as a team owner and general manager for the 2019 season, replacing Ted Sellers, who joined the league as a replacement owner in 2015. Morgese will inherit the Mealz on Wheelz franchise and has elected to rebrand the club due to his non-handicapped status.

Morgese, a longtime employee at ESPN, elected to rename his club Team Get Up after his noted catchphrase from college. This team name, which announced after the annual Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League Preseason Owners Caucus, was anticipated and preemptively mocked by one owner in the survey results.

“He better have a franchise name that isn’t just Get Up,” Eisenbrowns owner Matt Eisenberg wrote.

“Unfortunately, ‘Greenberg Stole Get Up From Me‘ was too long (of) a name,” Morgese explained.

When urged to provide more information for the league’s press release, Morgese appeared to be confused.

“There’s a press release?” he naively asked, unaware of this league’s obsessive depth.

Bobcats4Ever Commissioner Kyle Brennan welcomed a fellow member of one of his graduating classes into the league. As many are aware, Brennan graduated from Quinnipiac in 2012 but identified more with the class of 2013, which also includes Fear Boners owner Marc Schwartz and charter member and former WhatWould Jones-Drew owner Matthias Gausz.

“Mike Morgese is as unique of a human being as he is a friend of mine,” Brennan said. “I feel as though his proven ability to walk from a bathroom to his bedroom while soaking wet and jump into bed with his shoes on is the type of trait that will translate well to the mental instability needed to compete in our league.”

The league originally faced a dilemma earlier this offseason when it had commitments from only 10 owners to return after PartyDiedOfDysentery owner Miles McQuiggan submitted his resignation near the end of last season. Along with Sellers’ departure, owners were prepared to make a decision between contraction to 10 teams or finding two new owners.

However, several owners flew to Dublin, Ireland, in late July for a retreat to discuss ways to retain McQuiggan. The delegation that included Trader Jame owner Jamie Palatini, You’ve Been Chopped owner Andrew Fletcher, and Second Floor Shits owner Lenny Neslin maintained trans-Atlantic communication with McQuiggan, who requested one week to consider his status.

“To me, Miles never left the league,” Neslin said. “Miles saying, ‘I’m not coming back,’ is just his way of saying, ‘Please, somebody give me something in order to stay in the league.’ But of course, we didn’t have to give him anything, and, of course, he returned anyway. That’s Miles in a nutshell. Love that dude.”

McQuiggan announced his return to the league Aug. 2.

“Deacon Blues Football has elected to remain in the B4EFFL for the 2019 season pending the commissioner’s office securing a 12th owner to assume control of the Sellers franchise,” wrote McQuiggan, forgetting that he’d abandoned his Deacon Blues franchise name during the pits of last season.

“The whole process was pretty McQuiggonian,” Brennan said. “McQuiggese? McQuigganan.”

That announcement escalated talks regarding candidates to fill Sellers’ vacancy. Names such as Justin Cohen, Robin Schuppert, John Healy, Nick Dench — “Da fuq is Dench?” Palatini asked — official league arbiter Jeremy Schilling, and charter member and former many-named-franchise owner Alex Birsh were briefly discussed before Schwartz reached out to Morgese to gauge his interest. The league office followed suit Aug. 3.

“Only for the camaraderie — not a fantasy fan,” Morgese wrote. “Maybe I’ll get in the group photo this year at a hockey game.”

Morgese becomes the 15th owner in league history. Sellers left with a career record of 28-31 (.475), including a runner-up performance in his debut season of 2015 and fifth-place finishes in each of the following two seasons. McQuiggan, meanwhile, is 36-49 (.424) with his best result as the 2016 runner-up.

Meanwhile, ownership approved one rule change in the initial owners caucus. Neslin proposed a change last season that would limit the number of times a franchise could keep a player at first-round value. Ownership approved a change, 9-2, which will allow a franchise to keep a player for only one extra year past his initial achievement of first-round value starting in 2020.

Article VI, Section 2, Paragraph C of the Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League Constitution was amended as such: “Keepers returning to the same team beyond the first consecutive time shall be assigned draft value one round higher than the player held in the previous season, unless the player held first-round value the previous season, in which case that player will maintain first-round value. Beginning in the 2020 season, a team may only keep a player at first-round value for one year after he has reached maximum value (whether he was originally drafted in the first round or escalated to first-round value) with that team. After the player has used his maximum first-round-value eligibility, he shall be released into the pool of free agents for the next draft.”

Neslin’s other proposal, which essentially sought a flip in prize payouts to favor regular-season points over playoff performances, was defeated, 8-3.

In discussion among ownership while beginning to discuss keeper prospects, owners discovered a loophole that allowed the Fear Boners to keep Le’Veon Bell on injured reserve all of last season despite the fact that held out for a new contract. Owners will now vote on two more potential rule changes to address the injured reserve position and the keeper escalation of players who are suspended or hold out for more than half of the season.

The Bobcats4Ever Draft is tentatively schedule for Tuesday, Aug. 27, at 9 p.m., with the keeper deadline of Thursday, Aug. 22. The draft date is subject to a possible change to Wednesday, Sept. 4, but an official date will be announced pending the results of the owners caucus survey supplement.

You’ve Been Chopped returns as the reigning league champion after becoming the first franchise in league history to win multiple titles (2015, 2018). HOW’s this team 6-4?!, led by owner Mark Spillane, finished as runner-up, and the Fear Boners maintained their bridesmaid status by registering a third top-three performance in six seasons.

— B4EFFL —