Tag Archives: Bobcats4Ever

Team Releases

MIII-LES … YOU SUCK! Lives Up to Namesake, Destroys Miles

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MIII-LES … YOU SUCK
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

MIII-LES…YOU SUCK! Improves to 3-2 with Third Straight Win Following Four-Player Trade with Deacon Blues

Four Players Acquired in Trade for MYS! Have Out-Produced Blues Quartet By More Than 100 Points in Just Three Weeks #MilesLuck

“BORTLES?!? Fucking Blake Bortles?” – Blues GM Miles McQuiggan on MYS! QB Who Outdueled Blues QB Tom Brady Sunday

“Say it with us…MIII-LES…MIII-LES…MIII-LES…YOU SUCK!” – MYS! GM Jamie Palatini to Club’s Supporters

MYS! Launches New #MilesLuck Campaign

NEW YORK — In what can best be described as the fantasy football version of grabbing a punk’s hand, hitting him in his own head with said hand, and shouting, “Why are ya hitting yourself?! Stop hitting yourself!” MIII-LES…YOU SUCK! jumped out to a massive lead on Sunday and never looked back, clinching a Week 5 victory over rival and organization namesake GM Miles McQuiggan and Deacon Blues.

MYS! defeated Deacon Blues, 125.36-91.71. In the win, MYS! QB Blake Bortles out-produced Blues QB Tom Brady 35.22-29.30, while the Blues got -1.99 points from the Jacksonville defense.

Continue reading MIII-LES … YOU SUCK! Lives Up to Namesake, Destroys Miles →

Team Releases

Red-Hot Small-Town Americans Make Brief Statements

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SMALL-TOWN AMERICANS
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Defending Champions on Verge of Four-Game Winning Streak

Brennan Continues String of High-Impact Acquisitions

BEACON FALLS, Conn. — The Small-Town Americans, the defending champions of the Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League, were on the verge early Sunday evening of their fourth consecutive victory and move into the top two of the league standings.

The squad, which is 3-1 and in third place after four weeks of the season, held a hefty lead over Thanks Obama! after the day games Sunday and was a heavy favorite to earn the victory over the second-place team.

“We couldn’t wait until after the week was over to put out this statement,” Small-Town Americans owner Kyle Brennan said. “Here goes.”

Continue reading Red-Hot Small-Town Americans Make Brief Statements →

League Releases

Ownership Vetoes Trade Between MYS, Chancellors

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BOBCATS4EVER LEAGUE OFFICE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

First Trade Vetoed Under New Rules

League Seizes Chaotic Opportunity to Expand Social Media Presence

BEACON FALLS, Conn. — Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League ownership vetoed on Thursday morning a trade between MIII-LES … YOU SUCK! and the Leapin’ Chancellors.

The trade, which was originally accepted by owners Jamie Palatini and Alex Birsh at 10:23 a.m. on Thursday, would have seen MIII-LES … YOU SUCK! send Indianapolis WR Donte Moncrief, New Orleans QB Drew Brees and an 11th-round draft pick in 2016 to the Leapin’ Chancellors for Dallas WR Dez Bryant, San Diego QB Philip Rivers and an eighth-round draft pick in 2016.

Continue reading Ownership Vetoes Trade Between MYS, Chancellors →

Media Reports

Fletcher Puts Luck on Blast: Tells Him ‘Focus on Football’

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BY CALEB GINDL
NEW YORK POST FANTASY SPORTS BEAT WRITER

You’ve Been Chopped owner frustrated with star QB’s performance and ‘Hollywood persona’

NEW YORK — After a 2-0 start, including a dominating performance over Second Floor Shits in Week 2, one would think all would be well in the Food Network Football, Inc. universe.

Not so, according to Chairman and CEO Andrew Fletcher, who also serves as owner and general manager of the You’ve Been Chopped franchise.

In an exclusive, Fletcher repeated voiced his frustrations with quarterback Andrew Luck and his four-turnover performance Monday night, including three interceptions.

“I’m starting to get sick of his Hollywood persona,” Fletcher said, referring to Luck’s appearance in DIRECTV commercials. “He needs to focus on football. We’ll only go as far as he can take us.”

Luck has five interceptions and three touchdowns through two weeks, well off his pace of 40 touchdowns last season.

Despite outscoring Lenny Neslin’s Second Floor Shits by more than 46 points, Fletcher’s team left 15 points on the table in the form of turnovers – 11 by Luck and four by running back Jamaal Charles. These points had no affect on the Week 2 leaderboard, as Mealz on Wheelz scored nearly 160, but Fletcher was still unhappy.

“We can’t be complacent,” he said. “We can’t lose the turnover battle. We must protect the ball.”

Fletcher, surprisingly, did have some positive remarks. He noted how well wide receiver Julian Edelman has played thus far and also praised the play of backup quarterback Andy Dalton.

“I hope that lights a fire under Luck,” he said. “I know they usually say, ‘If you have two quarterbacks, you have none.’ Well, I disagree with that. Dalton will get playing time is he outperforms Luck, mark my words.”

Luck is protected to score just shy of 22 points against the Tennessee Titans. You’ve Been Chopped will face Team Spillzzzzzzzzzz in Week 3 action, kicking off tomorrow night at 8:30 p.m. ET.

League Releases

Draft Ushers in Era of Parity; Constitution Amended

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BOBCATS4EVER LEAGUE OFFICE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

All 12 Teams Projected to Finish Within 135 Points

Three Draft-Day Trades Move Murray, 31 Picks

Several Amendments Made to Constitution

BEACON FALLS, Conn. — The Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League might think about changing its name to the Parity4Ever Fantasy Football League. That’s how this season is shaping up after an intriguing 2015 Bobcats4Ever Draft on Sunday evening.

“I thought that lead was pretty creative,” Bobcats4Ever Commissioner Kyle Brennan said.

Yahoo! Fantasy Football currently projects the difference between the league’s most prolific team (Thanks Obama!) and the league’s weakest squad (the Fear Boners) to be just 134.44 points. That’s in stark contrast to last season, in which the Fear Boners outscored Thanks Obama! by a league-record 589.17 points.

In addition, only one team (Team Spillzzzzzz) is projected to win 10 games, while only one team (the Leapin’ Chancellors) is projected to win fewer than five.

Continue reading Draft Ushers in Era of Parity; Constitution Amended →

Team Releases

Calle Ochocinco Issues Statement on Draft, Jake Arrieta

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CALLE OCHOCINCO
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

“I mean, seriously, who the fuck is this guy anyway?” — Owner/GM Corey Hersch

EAST BRUNSWICK, N.J. — Following the completion of the 2015 Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Draft, Calle Ochocinco owner and general manager Corey Hersch issued the following statement to season ticket holders and fans:

There is no doubt that Sunday night was a date that had been marked on everyone’s calendar for many weeks. As an owner, there might be nothing I look forward to more than Draft Day. On Sunday, extenuating circumstances led to a draft performance that, by some, may not be looked on favorably. A no-hitter thrown by Chicago Cubs starting pitcher Jake Arrieta led to unforeseen chaos in the Calle Ochocinco war room. We’re talking about a pitcher with a career ERA of nearly 4.00, and someone who had never won more than 10 games coming into the 2015 season. And now he’s having a Cy Young-caliber season? I mean, seriously, who the fuck is this guy anyway?

With that being said, we will not use Sunday’s draft as an excuse for any poor performance in the upcoming season. I make a pledge to each and every one of you that we will redouble our efforts to make this season of Calle Ochocinco fantasy football one that will live on in the history books. With dynamic players such as Russell Wilson, Julio Jones and DeSean Jackson, an emerging future star in Ameer Abdullah, and a host of other quality players, Calle Ochocinco is more than capable of taking the next step in 2015. We have already been, and will continue to be, active on the waiver wire, and will pursue any and all opportunities to improve our roster. Let the pundits make their predictions, but I promise you that, come playoff time, they’ll be feasting on their own words for Christmas dinner.

Sincerely yours,

Corey Hersch
Owner and General Manager, Calle Ochocinco

–CO–

League Releases

Commissioner Brennan Makes Pre-Draft Announcements

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BOBCATS4EVER LEAGUE OFFICE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Pre-Draft Trades Taking League by Storm

Commissioner Wary of Leaks to Media

Minor Controversies Addressed with Authority

BEACON FALLS, Conn. — In the wake of an extraordinarily busy two-day span in the Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League, Commissioner Kyle Brennan has a series of announcements and reminders to owners as the 2015 Bobcats4Ever Draft approaches Sunday.

TRADES

As voted upon at the inaugural owners’ meeting in January, the league is allowing draft-day trades of picks and keepers for the first time. This new capability has caused much of the excitement of the past few days.

“There’s no doubt that this was a good decision by ownership,” Brennan said. “Anything that heightens excitement for our season before the draft is good for our league, our clubs, our business partners and our fans.”

Continue reading Commissioner Brennan Makes Pre-Draft Announcements →

League Releases

Bobcats4Ever FFL Announces 2015 Keeper Selections

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BOBCATS4EVER LEAGUE OFFICE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Some Quizzical Picks Among Keepers

Leapin’ Chancellors Granted Extension Because Commissioner’s Cool

BEACON FALLS, Conn. — With the 2015 Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League Draft mere days away, Commissioner Kyle Brennan announces the keeper selections for all 12 franchises as finalized midnight Thursday.

Each club is allowed to keep as many as two players from its 2014 roster. Keepers are then slotted in the draft according to the league’s unique rules. Any player returning to a franchise for the first time will be assessed a draft-pick value equal to where he was selected in 2014, with a sixth-round basement for players drafted below the sixth round or acquired via waivers. Any player returning to a franchise beyond the first time will escalate one round in draft-pick value for each season he is kept. Clubs that do not have a draft pick equal to the value of its keeper must use a higher draft pick on that keeper. Clubs with multiple picks within a round designated for a keeper will use its latest pick within that round to select the keeper.

Continue reading Bobcats4Ever FFL Announces 2015 Keeper Selections →

Team Releases

McQuiggan Makes Statement on Salami Name Change

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DEACON BLUES
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Blues CEO Responds to Remarks from Salami GM Palatini

MOUNT SINAI, N.Y. — Deacon Blues President and CEO Miles McQuiggan issued the following statement Monday in response to HBD SALAMI?! General Manager Jamie Palatini‘s remarks:

“It has been a long offseason. While it’s somewhat refreshing to see the passion of our league and its members ramping up as we get closer to Week 1, it is amusing to see Mr. Palatini throwing stones from his glass house. The Salami franchise mortgaged the future in an unsuccessful bid to win the league title last year, and has resorted to sophomoric name-calling in an effort to distract the league and its fans from the dearth of early-round draft picks he holds in 2015. In addition, he petitioned endlessly with league ownership to change the date of the 2015 B4E Draft and ensure the absence of other owners in an effort to convenience himself.

“Finally, Mr. Palatini says that ‘we think the juxtaposition of our team name with our franchise’s history of success will pay off in spades.’ Unless the definition of juxtaposition has changed recently, he is implying that either his franchise has no history of success, or that the franchise’s new name will lead it spiraling into oblivion. Hopefully for his sake, he is able to acquire a quarterback who can throw a spiral in the eighth round.

“We look forward to our Week 5 matchup against the Salami, and to a promising season led by the return of star running back Adrian Peterson and the championship-caliber team we will build around him at the new Dr Pepper Stadium on Long Island.”

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Team Releases

HBD SALAMI?! GM Jamie Palatini Announces New Franchise Name

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MIII-LES … YOU SUCK!
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Franchise Re-Named “MIII-LES…YOU SUCK!” in Extension of Successful Brand from MTM 6.0 Fantasy Baseball League

Palatini Buys Out Minority Owners and Nationally-Recognized Salumeria Salume Beddu

“We believe this is a message our fan base will rally around.” – Palatini

STAMFORD, Conn. — Pending approval of Bobcats4Ever Commissioner and Small-Town Americans Owner Kyle Brennan, HOW BOUT DAT SALAMI?! majority owner and GM Jamie Palatini has bought out minority owner Salume Beddu, and has re-named the franchise “MIII-LES…YOU SUCK!,” it was announced today.

Beginning today, and in subsequent promotional materials and releases hereafter, the franchise will be re-branded as MIII-LES…YOU SUCK! The team name extends the successful MIII-LES…YOU SUCK brand that has established itself in the MTM 6.0 fantasy baseball league this season, where the aforementioned Miles McQuiggan currently boasts a 117-179-46 record (.409 win pct.) with his Deacon Blues squad, solidly entrenched in 12th place of the 12-team league. Last season, Miles placed ninth or worse in four of his six fantasy leagues.

Continue reading HBD SALAMI?! GM Jamie Palatini Announces New Franchise Name →