Team Releases

You’ve Been Chopped Clinches Bobcats4Ever Championship

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YOU’VE BEEN CHOPPED
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

YOU’VE BEEN CHOPPED Becomes League’s Most Valuable Franchise

“L’chaim!” – Owner and GM Andrew Fletcher

NEW YORK — You’ve Been Chopped, a subsidiary of FOOD NETWORK FOOTBALL, Inc.©, Monday night defeated Mealz On Wheelz, 124.46-103.63, to clinch the 2015 Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League championship. The championship was the first for a Jewish Division franchise.

“This means the world to me, to be honest with you,” said Andrew Fletcher, FOOD NETWORK FOOTBALL, Inc.© Chairman and CEO and GM and Owner of the You’ve Been Chopped franchise. “To be able to overcome the adversity we faced and to prove the doubters wrong, man, words can’t describe this feeling. L’chaim!”

Fletcher stormed through the early part of the schedule with a 7-2 record, but injuries to star players Andrew Luck, Jamaal Charles and Julian Edelman caused You’ve Been Chopped to back into the playoffs as the sixth seed with a four-game losing streak. Key free-agent pickups like Doug Baldwin and Tim Hightower, and a trade for quarterback Carson Palmer, paid off dividends, however.

Fletcher went on to upset No. 3 seed Thanks Obama! in the quarterfinals and last year’s champion and No. 1 seed Small-Town Americans in the semifinals en route to the championship. As noted by B4EStats, an unofficial Twitter account that provides “stats and information” for the league, the acquisitions of Palmer and Hightower scored 50 of You’ve Been Chopped points in the finals.

“On behalf of the Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League, I extend my heartfelt congratulations to Mr. Fletcher, all his colleagues at Food Network Football, Inc. and the men at You’ve Been Chopped for winning our third championship,” said Bobcats4Ever Commissioner Kyle Brennan. “This goes to show what kind of success is possible when an organization is as well structured as Mr. Fletcher’s is. He and his staff were able to adjust to a number of misfortunes throughout the season to earn a championship and continue the terrific parity that our league has enjoyed. It’s also a step forward for our Jewish Division, which had been let down twice by the Fear Boners in championship play.”

After selling a 5-percent stake to Shark Tank’s Mark Cuban back in February, it was clear Fletcher had his eyes on contending following last season’s fifth-place finish.

“I think you can turn your club into a championship contender,” Cuban said during ABC’s broadcast.

With the win and a $336 prize, You’ve Been Chopped surpasses MIII-LES … YOU SUCK! as the league’s most valuable franchise as measured by Forbes and Sports Business Journal.

“Congratulations to all of the owners for a great season,” Fletcher said. “I can’t wait for 2016.”

FOOD NETWORK FOOTBALL, Inc.© incorporated in Delaware with offices in New York and New Jersey, was consolidated in January 2015. “You’ve Been Chopped” is a charter franchise in the Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League. The company’s Board of Directors includes Fletcher; Kenneth W. Lowe, Scripps Networks Interactive chairman, CEO and president; “Chopped” host Ted Allen; Alton Brown, host of “Cutthroat Kitchen”; Scott Conant, “Chopped” judge and restaurateur; Cuban, the outspoken owner of the Dallas Mavericks; and Amanda Freitag, “Chopped” judge and restaurateur.

— YBC —

League Releases

Commissioner Places Transaction Ban on Deacon Blues, McQuiggan

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BOBCATS4EVER LEAGUE OFFICE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Bobcats4Ever Commissioner Places Transaction Ban on Deacon Blues

Unprecedented Move in Response to “Insubordinate, Churlish Behavior” by Blues Owner McQuiggan

BEACON FALLS, Conn. — Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League Commissioner Kyle Brennan announced Tuesday afternoon that the League Office has placed an indefinite transaction ban on the Deacon Blues franchise and owner Miles McQuiggan using the power granted to the Commissioner by the league’s Constitution.

The transaction ban is the first of its kind in the three-year history of the league. Deacon Blues is prohibited from adding or dropping players, or participating in trades with any other franchise, until the League Office lifts the ban. The ban was installed at 1 p.m. on Tuesday.

McQuiggan abused the power of removing Small-Town Americans owner Kyle Brennan from the league’s official Facebook chat earlier Tuesday afternoon.

Continue reading Commissioner Places Transaction Ban on Deacon Blues, McQuiggan →

Team Releases

Fear Boners Respond to Vetoed Trade with Second Floor Shits

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FEAR BONERS
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Players, Front Office upset with rival organization’s morals

Boners to establish groundbreaking “indefinite moratorium”

“Respectfully, their GM can go f*ck himself.” – Boner Chief/GM Marc Schwartz

HIGHLAND PARK, N.J. — A trade between the Fear Boners and the Second Floor Shits was vetoed by fellow Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League ownership Monday evening.

The ruling came from a majority vote of ownership, citing a clear violation of the “good faith clause,” seen in Article VI, Section 5 of the B4EFFL Constitution.

“All trades shall be made in good faith with the best interest of each team’s short- and/or long-term future in mind,” it reads.

Earlier in the evening, Boner Chief/GM Marc Schwartz issued a brief statement to the league:

“The Fear Boners organization holds the integrity of the Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football to the highest degree,” he said. “It is our expectation that each organization and respective owner rises up to that same standard set forth by our fellow Boners. Today, Leonard Neslin and the Second Floor Shits organization did not live up to this standard, and that is truly unsettling.”

Continue reading Fear Boners Respond to Vetoed Trade with Second Floor Shits →

League Releases

Ownership Vetoes Trade, Citing ‘Good Faith Clause’

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BOBCATS4EVER LEAGUE OFFICE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Blockbuster Deal Between Second Floor Shits, Fear Boners Nullified

Ownership Cites ‘Good Faith’ Clause of Constitution in Second Veto of Season

Boners Owner Schwartz: Shits Owner Neslin’s Actions “Truly Unsettling”

Shits Owner Neslin Expresses Remorse Despite Boners Owner Schwartz’s “Training Wheels”

BEACON FALLS, Conn. — Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League ownership vetoed Monday evening a trade between the Second Floor Shits and the Fear Boners.

Several layers were involved in the nullification of the trade, which is the second trade vetoed this season. A deal between MIII-LES … YOU SUCK and the Leapin’ Chancellors was vetoed on Oct. 1.

The trade would have sent Green Bay quarterback Aaron Rodgers, Baltimore wide receiver Kamar Aiken and an eighth-round draft pick in 2016 from the Second Floor Shits to the Fear Boners in exchange for Green Bay wide receiver Randall Cobb, Washington tight end Jordan Reed and a third-round pick in 2016.

Continue reading Ownership Vetoes Trade, Citing ‘Good Faith Clause’ →

Team Releases

MIII-LES … YOU SUCK! Lives Up to Namesake, Destroys Miles

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MIII-LES … YOU SUCK
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

MIII-LES…YOU SUCK! Improves to 3-2 with Third Straight Win Following Four-Player Trade with Deacon Blues

Four Players Acquired in Trade for MYS! Have Out-Produced Blues Quartet By More Than 100 Points in Just Three Weeks #MilesLuck

“BORTLES?!? Fucking Blake Bortles?” – Blues GM Miles McQuiggan on MYS! QB Who Outdueled Blues QB Tom Brady Sunday

“Say it with us…MIII-LES…MIII-LES…MIII-LES…YOU SUCK!” – MYS! GM Jamie Palatini to Club’s Supporters

MYS! Launches New #MilesLuck Campaign

NEW YORK — In what can best be described as the fantasy football version of grabbing a punk’s hand, hitting him in his own head with said hand, and shouting, “Why are ya hitting yourself?! Stop hitting yourself!” MIII-LES…YOU SUCK! jumped out to a massive lead on Sunday and never looked back, clinching a Week 5 victory over rival and organization namesake GM Miles McQuiggan and Deacon Blues.

MYS! defeated Deacon Blues, 125.36-91.71. In the win, MYS! QB Blake Bortles out-produced Blues QB Tom Brady 35.22-29.30, while the Blues got -1.99 points from the Jacksonville defense.

Continue reading MIII-LES … YOU SUCK! Lives Up to Namesake, Destroys Miles →

Team Releases

Red-Hot Small-Town Americans Make Brief Statements

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SMALL-TOWN AMERICANS
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Defending Champions on Verge of Four-Game Winning Streak

Brennan Continues String of High-Impact Acquisitions

BEACON FALLS, Conn. — The Small-Town Americans, the defending champions of the Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League, were on the verge early Sunday evening of their fourth consecutive victory and move into the top two of the league standings.

The squad, which is 3-1 and in third place after four weeks of the season, held a hefty lead over Thanks Obama! after the day games Sunday and was a heavy favorite to earn the victory over the second-place team.

“We couldn’t wait until after the week was over to put out this statement,” Small-Town Americans owner Kyle Brennan said. “Here goes.”

Continue reading Red-Hot Small-Town Americans Make Brief Statements →

League Releases

Ownership Vetoes Trade Between MYS, Chancellors

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BOBCATS4EVER LEAGUE OFFICE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

First Trade Vetoed Under New Rules

League Seizes Chaotic Opportunity to Expand Social Media Presence

BEACON FALLS, Conn. — Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League ownership vetoed on Thursday morning a trade between MIII-LES … YOU SUCK! and the Leapin’ Chancellors.

The trade, which was originally accepted by owners Jamie Palatini and Alex Birsh at 10:23 a.m. on Thursday, would have seen MIII-LES … YOU SUCK! send Indianapolis WR Donte Moncrief, New Orleans QB Drew Brees and an 11th-round draft pick in 2016 to the Leapin’ Chancellors for Dallas WR Dez Bryant, San Diego QB Philip Rivers and an eighth-round draft pick in 2016.

Continue reading Ownership Vetoes Trade Between MYS, Chancellors →

Media Reports

Fletcher Puts Luck on Blast: Tells Him ‘Focus on Football’

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BY CALEB GINDL
NEW YORK POST FANTASY SPORTS BEAT WRITER

You’ve Been Chopped owner frustrated with star QB’s performance and ‘Hollywood persona’

NEW YORK — After a 2-0 start, including a dominating performance over Second Floor Shits in Week 2, one would think all would be well in the Food Network Football, Inc. universe.

Not so, according to Chairman and CEO Andrew Fletcher, who also serves as owner and general manager of the You’ve Been Chopped franchise.

In an exclusive, Fletcher repeated voiced his frustrations with quarterback Andrew Luck and his four-turnover performance Monday night, including three interceptions.

“I’m starting to get sick of his Hollywood persona,” Fletcher said, referring to Luck’s appearance in DIRECTV commercials. “He needs to focus on football. We’ll only go as far as he can take us.”

Luck has five interceptions and three touchdowns through two weeks, well off his pace of 40 touchdowns last season.

Despite outscoring Lenny Neslin’s Second Floor Shits by more than 46 points, Fletcher’s team left 15 points on the table in the form of turnovers – 11 by Luck and four by running back Jamaal Charles. These points had no affect on the Week 2 leaderboard, as Mealz on Wheelz scored nearly 160, but Fletcher was still unhappy.

“We can’t be complacent,” he said. “We can’t lose the turnover battle. We must protect the ball.”

Fletcher, surprisingly, did have some positive remarks. He noted how well wide receiver Julian Edelman has played thus far and also praised the play of backup quarterback Andy Dalton.

“I hope that lights a fire under Luck,” he said. “I know they usually say, ‘If you have two quarterbacks, you have none.’ Well, I disagree with that. Dalton will get playing time is he outperforms Luck, mark my words.”

Luck is protected to score just shy of 22 points against the Tennessee Titans. You’ve Been Chopped will face Team Spillzzzzzzzzzz in Week 3 action, kicking off tomorrow night at 8:30 p.m. ET.

League Releases

Draft Ushers in Era of Parity; Constitution Amended

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BOBCATS4EVER LEAGUE OFFICE
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

All 12 Teams Projected to Finish Within 135 Points

Three Draft-Day Trades Move Murray, 31 Picks

Several Amendments Made to Constitution

BEACON FALLS, Conn. — The Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Football League might think about changing its name to the Parity4Ever Fantasy Football League. That’s how this season is shaping up after an intriguing 2015 Bobcats4Ever Draft on Sunday evening.

“I thought that lead was pretty creative,” Bobcats4Ever Commissioner Kyle Brennan said.

Yahoo! Fantasy Football currently projects the difference between the league’s most prolific team (Thanks Obama!) and the league’s weakest squad (the Fear Boners) to be just 134.44 points. That’s in stark contrast to last season, in which the Fear Boners outscored Thanks Obama! by a league-record 589.17 points.

In addition, only one team (Team Spillzzzzzz) is projected to win 10 games, while only one team (the Leapin’ Chancellors) is projected to win fewer than five.

Continue reading Draft Ushers in Era of Parity; Constitution Amended →

Team Releases

Calle Ochocinco Issues Statement on Draft, Jake Arrieta

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CALLE OCHOCINCO
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

“I mean, seriously, who the fuck is this guy anyway?” — Owner/GM Corey Hersch

EAST BRUNSWICK, N.J. — Following the completion of the 2015 Bobcats4Ever Fantasy Draft, Calle Ochocinco owner and general manager Corey Hersch issued the following statement to season ticket holders and fans:

There is no doubt that Sunday night was a date that had been marked on everyone’s calendar for many weeks. As an owner, there might be nothing I look forward to more than Draft Day. On Sunday, extenuating circumstances led to a draft performance that, by some, may not be looked on favorably. A no-hitter thrown by Chicago Cubs starting pitcher Jake Arrieta led to unforeseen chaos in the Calle Ochocinco war room. We’re talking about a pitcher with a career ERA of nearly 4.00, and someone who had never won more than 10 games coming into the 2015 season. And now he’s having a Cy Young-caliber season? I mean, seriously, who the fuck is this guy anyway?

With that being said, we will not use Sunday’s draft as an excuse for any poor performance in the upcoming season. I make a pledge to each and every one of you that we will redouble our efforts to make this season of Calle Ochocinco fantasy football one that will live on in the history books. With dynamic players such as Russell Wilson, Julio Jones and DeSean Jackson, an emerging future star in Ameer Abdullah, and a host of other quality players, Calle Ochocinco is more than capable of taking the next step in 2015. We have already been, and will continue to be, active on the waiver wire, and will pursue any and all opportunities to improve our roster. Let the pundits make their predictions, but I promise you that, come playoff time, they’ll be feasting on their own words for Christmas dinner.

Sincerely yours,

Corey Hersch
Owner and General Manager, Calle Ochocinco

–CO–